Price 35 Cents 

AN ENTERTAINMENT 
IN ONE ACT 



SOMETHING FOR 
NOTHING 

BY 

MRS. MARY G. TAYLOR 

AND 

MRS. HAZEL BACON 



Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation 

Successor to 



Dick & Fitzgerald 
New York 



SOME NEW PLAYS 

• MOLLY BAWN« 35 cents. A comedy drama in 4 acts, by Marie Doran. 
7 male, 4 female characters (or by doubling, 5 male and 3 female). Time, about 2 
hours. Based upon incidents from a story by "The Duchess." The story is woven 
about Eleanor Masserene {Molly Bawn), whose mother eloped with a young Irishman, 
which has so embittered her grandfather that he disinherited her. After many years 
of loneliness he sends for Molly. How the coquettish heiress wins the hard, old man, 
is worked out in the play sometimes in a comedy setting and again in strong dramatic 
tensen ess. $10, 00 royalty per performance by amateurs. 

^UNACQUAINTED WITH WORK,* or, Married in Thirty 

Days. _ 25 cents. A comedy in 5 acts, by O. E. Young. 6 male, 6 female charac- 
ters. 1 interior scene. Time, 2 hours. Charles Chester, a young man of leisure, 
succeeds in running up several bills. At last his landlord, Jacob Sharp, threatens to 
imprison him unless his board bill is paid. His aunt's promise to help him out for the 
last time if he marries within thirty days forces him to propose to every girl he meets, 
which naturally gets him into more trouble. Through his effort to get out of the 
tangle many funny situations arise. Among the characters are a very funny chamber- 
maid and her sweetheart, a darkey cook, a comical bellhop, a clever detective, etc. 

"Ar WAIT AND SEE* 25 cents. A comedy-drama in 3 acts, by Helen C. 
Clifford. 7 males, 7 females. 1 easy interior. Time, 1% hours. At a week end 
party one of the guests endeavors to purloin an important document, compelling a girl 
over whom he believes he has control to assist him. While they are trying to open the 
safe they are discovered by the butler who proves to be an old trusted retainer of the 
girl's father. Although the man tries to fasten the guilt upon the butler and the girl, 
he is unsuccessful and a happy climax is reached. Among others it has] an excellent 
soubrette role. 

^WIVES^ON A STRIKE. 25 cents. A comedy in 3 acts, by Lillian 
Sutton Pelee. 6 male, 7 or more female characters. Time, 3 hours. 3 interior 
scenes. Costumes varied. At a meeting of the Wives Welfare Club, it is decided to 
"go on Strike'' and Jane Spink is to make the test case. The wives' grievances 

ready amuse Betty, a bride of 30 days, who boasts of her husband's angelic qualities. 

ier first offence of having supper late causes such a row that Betty also decides to 
"go on strike.' 1 Betty^s scheme to make her husband change < his set ideas about 
woman's rights is the cause of all the mix-up. How the strike is won and the hus- 
bands taken back is cleverly depicted in the play. A parrot who swears at the right 
moment adds to the funny situations. 

•HIS SISTERS* 25 cents. A farce in 1 act; by Beulah King, i male, 
and 8 female characters ■ or 9 female characters as the male may easily be impersonated 
by a female character. 1 interior. Time, 30 minutes. Three sisters, who adore their 
handsome older brother, secretly plot to have him marry their particular friends* 
How their plans are all upset and matters finally smoothed out is cleverly told in this 
play. 

•SUITED AT LAST, 25 cents. A sketch in i act, by Elizabeth 
Urquhart. 7 females and a discharged soldier. i interior. Time, about 40 
minutes. Dorothy, a newly-wed wife, is in search of a cook; her mother, her chum, 
her Aunt Jane give much advice asto how she shall interview the various applicants, 
in fact, so much so, that Dorothy is utterly confused and finally engages just what 
her husband has advised from the beginning. 

•ENCORES AND EXTRAS. 35 cents. A collection of short mono- 
loguessuitable particularly for encores, but are available for any occasion to fill in for 
a few minutes ; contains black-face, Hebrew, a fond mother, a rube monologue, etc. 

•GORGEOUS CECILE* The. 25 cents. A comedy in 3 acts, by 
Beulah King. 4 male, 5 female characters. 1 interior. Time, 2 hours. Max, the 
son of a wealthy widower, notwithstanding the schemes of his father and aunts, has 
remained obdurate to all of their matrimonial plans. Upon his return home for a 
visit, he rinds, as usual, a girl whom it is hoped will subjugate him, but the hopes are 
frustrated, as it is " The Gorgeous Cecile" to whom he turns. The parts are all good 
and well contrasted, with sparkling dialogue and plenty of action. 



I 



SOMETHING FOR 
NOTHING 

An Entertainment in One Act 



By 

MRS. MARY G. TAYLOR 

and 

MRS. HAZEL BACON 



Copyright, 1920, by 
Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation 



fl|? 



Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation 

Successor to 

Dick & Fitzgerald 

18 Vesey Street New York 



*r 






\ 



Something For Nothing 



CHARACTERS 

Rosalind Tall girl, about 12 or 13 \ 

Dorothy Her chum, about the same < 

Sambo Colored boy, about 12 or 14 i 

JoE,theButlerlMen or strong boys who carry in the 
The Gardener J empty cases and help dolls out of boxes 

About fifty children (more or less) under twelve 
years, the smaller the better, represent the following 
character dolls : 



Dorothy's Dolls. 

One dozen Dolls 

Clown 

Indian Boy 

Indian Girl 

Grandpa 

Grandma 

Grandpa's Pet 

Spoiled Girl 

Kewpie 

Two Dutch Dolls 

Aristocratic Doll 



Sambo's Dolls. Rosalind's Dolls. 



Cook 

Maid 

Nanette 

Rin Tin Tin 

Singing Doll 

Soldier 

Sailor 

Twins 

Boy Doll 

Broken Doll 

Nurse 

Walking Doll 



Mother Goose 
Little Jack Horner 
Talking Doll 
Dinah 

Unknown Doll 
Two Rag Dolls 
Paper Doll 
Rubber Doll 
Teddy Bear 
Cowboy 
Tom Thumb 
Mrs. Tom Thumb 
Japanese Doll 
Father Doll 
Mother Doll 



Aged Doll (or Mysterious Doll) who comes out un- 
announced. 

Time of Playing. — One and one-half hours, 

©OLD 55725 



OC 



1920 



Something For Nothing 3 

NOTE. — Many changes may be made in order to bring 

in all possible talent on band and to make it more 

uitable for special occasions or holidays. If any 

children are unable to take their parts at the last 

moment, it does not affect the play. 

NOTE. — Rosalind, Dorothy and Sambo should be pro- 
vided with lists of their groups of dolls so they may 
place them somewhere on the platform and so be able 
to glance at the list, which will help them in knowing 
whose part comes next. 

SYNOPSIS 

Rosalind and Dorothy have outgrown their "Doll 
Days" and so decide to find new homes for their "chil- 
dren. ' ' After each child performs, a parent or friend in 
the audience claims him by answering out loud when 
"Who will take this one?" is asked. This draws the 
performers nearer to the audience and is most amusing. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Rosalind. About twelve or thirteen years of age, hair 
down in curls, dress above shoe tops. 

Dorothy. About the same age as Rosalind, and 
dresses similarly. 

Sambo. A boy of about twelve or thirteen years, 
blackened; wears patched overalls, wig or snug cap, 
bright colored tie, large shoes, big yellow flower in but- 
tonhole. 

Dozen Small Girl Dolls. Simple white dresses and 
sashes of pink or blue. 

Mother Goose. Mother Goose costume and pointed 
hat. 

Dinah. Black stockings, black gloves, blackened face 
and wig made of stocking top sewed full of pigtails 
standing out on all ends. Any gay-colored dress. 

Unknown Doll. A bright-colored odd paper dress 
and hat — extreme style. 



4 Something For Nothing 

Rag Dolls. Calico dresses with gingham aprons. 

Paper Doll. Light-colored dress made of crepe paper. 

Rubber Doll. Some dark-colored costume and cap, or 
a brownie suit. 

Cook. Large white apron and cook's cap. . 

Nanette. Long, full French peasant dress. 

Rin Tin Tin. French boy peasant suit with long 
bloomers. 

Soldier and Sailor. Army and Navy uniforms. 

Clown. Clown's suit, 

Indian Boy and Indian Girl. The regular Indian 
suits. 

Grandpa and Grandma. Old-fashioned or Colonial 
clothes. Grandma carries snuff-box. 

Spoiled Girl. Any available dress with a large sash. 

Kewpie. Short skirt, no sleeves, hair combed up high, 
hold hands as a kewpie does. 

Teddy Bear. A bear costume. 

Cowboy. Cowboy suit. 

Tom Thumb. Small full dress. 

Mrs. Tom Thumb. Full dress and poke bonnet. 

Japanese Doll. Kimono. 

Broken Doll. Any dress ; bandaged head and arm. 

Nurse. Nurse's costume. 

Dutch Doll (Gretchen). A fat child wearing 
Dutch costume and wooden shoes. 

Dutch Doll (Hilda). A thin child, wearing Dutch 
costume and wooden shoes. 

Aristocratic Doll. Any available dress and a lor- 
gnette. 

Father Doll. Borrow Dad's clothes. 

Mother Doll. Borrow Mother's clothes. 

Baby Walking Doll. Night gown, baby cap and 
baby bottle filled with milk. 

Aged Doll. Any old-fashioned clothes somewhat 
mussed up to give the appearance of age. 

Characters not mentioned may use any available 
dresses or suits. 



Something For Nothing 



SCENE. — Room in Rosalind's home. Two comfy 
chairs. Small table, bell on table, also some maga- 
zines and flowers. Doors up right and left of stage. 
If impossible to have two entrances, one will do. 
Pictures, pennants or any other decorations or fur- 
niture may be used to give the room a more homey 
look. One of the chairs or a screen should be large 
enough to hide Sambo. DISCOVERED, Rosalind 
reading a book; Sambo is hidden behind a chair or 
screen. 

ENTER Dorothy. 

Dorothy. Hello, Rosalind. I have been looking all 
around for you. Your mother thought you might be in 
the garden; she said she was glad I came over for she 
thought you needed to be cheered up. 

Rosalind (closing book and stretching arms). Oh, 
I 'm so worried about something ; Mother is anxious about 
me too. She says I don't eat enough for a mouse, but I 
hardly dare tell anyone what troubles me, for I 'm afraid 
they will make fun of me. 

Dorothy. You know I never make fun of you; just 
think what secrets we have had with each other. Haven't 
you noticed that I too have something on my mind? 
You tell me your worry, and I will tell you mine ; maybe 
we can help each other. Don't you know that it always 
lightens burdens to share them? You know the saying 
"Two heads are better than one." 

Rosalind. Not when one head happens to be Sambo's. 
I caught him last night prying around. He is always 
5 



6 Something For Nothing 

tagging after me, and I'm afraid he has guessed my 
secret. 

Dorothy. Sambo, who is he? 

Kosalind. Why, I thought I told you. You know- 
Mother has been hunting a laundress for over a year, so 
when she heard that Sambo's mother did such work, she 
finally got her, but — we had to take their whole family 
to live with us, or she wouldn't have come. 

Dorothy. Whole family ; how many ? 

Rosalind. Why, there are seven of the blackest peo- 
ple I ever saw, and Sambo is so annoying. He follows 
me everywhere, but, — I'll have to make the best of it. 
It 's better than being without a laundress. 

Dorothy. I suppose so ; but please forget Sambo and 
tell me your secret. 

Rosalind. Well, Mother says I'm getting too old for 
dolls ; so I had to pack them away in a big box up in the 
attic. It's a shame to have them up there all alone. Per- 
haps I shouldn't — but I love them still. 

Dorothy. Our minds are certainly alike. Every- 
body said I was too old for dolls, so last week I packed 
my dear children away. They too are in a large box in 
the cold, cold attic. 

Sambo (calls out from his hiding-place). 'Sense me, 
Miss Rosalind, but Ah heard ebery word you said. 

Rosalind. Oh, there's that dreadful Sambo! But 
maybe he could help us ! He can be real useful. Come 
out, Sambo. (Both look for Sambo) 

Sambo (comes out of hiding-place; all smiles). Yess, 
I'se a-comin'. 

Rosalind. Sit down here, Sambo, and do not speak 
unless you are spoken to. 

Dorothy. Now, let's get down to business. What 
can we do with our dear precious dolls so they won't 
have to be packed up all their" lives? 

Sambo. 'Scuse me, Miss Dorothy, but Ah jus' guess 
Ah'd sell de whole bunch. 

Dorothy and Rosalind, Sell them! Indeed we 
won't! 



Something For Nothing 7 

Dorothy. I '11 never forget my cunning baby doll, or 
my Indian dolls. We must do something with them. 
(Sits as in a dream. If possible some of the family of 
dolls may be shown in shadows on curtain. Sambo 
watches Dorothy and Rosalind and does as they do) 

Rosalind. My first doll was a Teddy Bear, my second 
a Character Doll. I can close my eyes and see them all. 
Little Tom Thumb and his wife and Jack Horner and 
my Kewpie Doll and ever so many others. 

Dorothy. And the wonderful things they could do ! 

Rosalind (shakes her finger and looks very wise). I 
have an idea! Let's have all of our dolls brought here; 
then we can decide what to do with them. 

Dorothy. That is a good idea, but what can be done 
with them ? Nobody wants them but us. 

Rosalind. Nobody wants them! Why, Dorothy! 
they are wonderful dolls, and who in these days wouldn't 
appreciate ''Something for Nothing"? Why everybody 
will be crazy about them ! 

Dorothy. Oh ! I know ; you mean to find homes for 
them. 

Rosalind. Yes, I do. I'm sure others will enjoy 
them as we have. Sambo, ring that bell ! ( Sambo rings 
bell on table) 

ENTER Joe. 

Rosalind. Joe, please go to the attic, in the northeast 
corner, and bring that large box here. Ask the gardener 
to help you. 

Dorothy. And, Joe, after you get Rosalind's box, 
please go to my house. You will find a large box in our 
attic also. We want them both brought here. Oh! 
Rosalind, I am so happy; everything is coming out right. 
(They dance gaily about the room as Sambo whistles a 
gay tune while waiting for the boxes) 

Rosalind. Don't you think we had better explain 
about them? It will help to find them better homes. 

Dorothy and Rosalind. Here they come now ! 



8 Something For Nothing 

ENTER Joe and the Gardener, carrying the boxes and 
placing them in front of the entrances. 

NOTE. — The boxes used for the dolls are large packing- 
boxes or victrola cases ; as large as can be brought on 
the stage. Two are needed, one for Dorothy's dolls 
and one for Rosalind's dolls. If the room has only- 
one entrance one box may be used at a time. Boxes 
are placed longways across the entrance, the backs 
of the boxes are partly taken off, and covers put on 
hinges, replace the backs, so as they can be raised 
back against the entrance. The children or dolls 
should be placed in line behind the stage, so that 
Dorothy's dolls come from one box and Rosalind's 
dolls from the other. Dolls which Sambo gives away 
are in Rosalind's box. Dorothy's dolls are in the 
first group to pass out to the stage through box — 
Sambo's dolls come out next — and Rosalind's dolls 
come last. The children should creep in box through 
the back opening on hands and knees, and each doll 
is lifted out of the box by Joe or the Gardener* one 
at a time, each child holding itself stiff as dolls do 
until they are wound up, then each doll performs, ac- 
cording to talent and part given. Dorothy, Rosa- 
lind and Sambo arrange the one dozen dolls. All 
have crickets to imitate winding up the dolls. 

Sambo (gazing from one end of the line of dolls to the 
other). Well, sir, if Ah do say so, as Ah shouldn't, I 
neber saw a finer lookin' mess o' dolls in mah life. 
(Dorothy makes believe to wind up dolls, using the toy 
cricket. Sambo sits and looks on) 

Rosalind (walks to front of stage). I know you will 
all be very much surprised when I tell you our dolls can 
sing. Nearly all can do something very special. With 
your kind permission we will put them through their 
stunts, and we hope by the time they are through, some 
one will decide that they have a home for one of them at 
least. 



Something For Nothing 9 

All Dolls (sing), "Jack and Jill" or "In the Cor- 
ner Where the Dark Comes Most." (Any other song 
desired may be substituted) 

Dorothy. Will some one take the whole collection of 
dolls? (No one offers) Here are my dozen little girl 
dolls. ( Winds up dozen, one at a time; they walk stiffly 
to front of stage and recite) 

1. One little doll is saying, "How do you do?" 

2. Along comes another and then there are two. 

3. Along comes another doll, and then there are three, 

4. Along comes another doll, and then there are four. 

5. Along comes another, and then there are five. 

6. Along comes another, and then there are six. 

7. Along comes another doll, and then there are seven. 

8. ^ Along comes another, and then there are eight. 

9. Along comes another doll, and then there are nine. 

10. Along comes another, and then there are ten. 

11. Along comes another, and then there are eleven. 

12. Along comes another, and then there are a dozen. 

All. Just twelve little dolls all together 

Recite a piece for grown folks, no matter what 

the weather, 
We welcome you and hope you 11 say 
That you surely like our play. 

Dorothy (addressing audience). Would you prefer 
the whole dozen or one at a time? 
Voice in Audience. One at a time ! 
Dorothy (takes each doll to front of stage and asks). 
"Who will take this one?" (Each doll is claimed and 
walks stiffly off the stage. Dorothy occasionally has to 
re-wind one to make it walk to front of stage) 
Rosalind. Here is Mother Goose. (Winds her up) 
Mother Goose (recites). 

I 'm old Mother Goose, as you will all know, 
But I 'm not quite the same as I was long ago ; 
I do not use brooms to make cobwebs scatter, 
For a vacuum cleaner does the work better. 



10 Something For Nothing 

And then, I traveled on a gander snow white ; 
But now, on my aeroplane, I go out of sight. 
Oh, it 's good to improve as the times go on, 
E 'en my costumes, — are from Vogue and Bon Ton. 

Rosalind. Who wants Mother Goose? 
Voice in Audience. I do. 

Rosalind. Now comes Jack Horner ; but he is so tiny 
that he has only been taught to walk. ( Winds up Jack 
Horner, who walks to front of stage, where he stands 
while the others sing) 
All (sing). 

Little Jack Horner, 
Sat in a corner, 

Eating a Christmas-pie; 
He put in his thumb, 
And pulled out a plum, 

Saying, "What a brave boy am I." 

Rosalind. Who has a home for little Jack Horner? 
Voice in Audience. I have. 
Rosalind. Now my little "Talking 0011/ ' 
Talking Doll. 

I'm a bashful little talking doll, 

Most times I don't say much, 

But times like this, I say lots more — 

Who'll take me out to lunch? 

Voice in Audience. I will. 

Rosalind. Now, I'll give away my Dinah. (Sambo 
is all attention) 

Dinah. My Mammy calls me honey lamb, an' her 
livin' heart's delight; She says I' sweeter 'n posies; an' 
she likes mah curls so tight. The chillun calls me cullud 
chile, an' blacky too, an' nig; An' say mah pigtails made 
of wool, and then I wish't Iz big; So's I cud lick 'em, 
and I cry, but Mammy holds me tight ; an ' sez she loves 
me jus' the same as if mah face wuz white. 

Sambo. Please, Miss Rosalind, ef nobody wants Miss 



Something For Nothing 11 

Dinah, Ah wants her. Ah sure do. (Sambo walks off 
with Dinah. Keeps Dinah on stage with him) 

Rosalind. And here is my Unknown Doll. (Winds 
her up) 
Unknown Doll. 

Did you ever hear of me before? 

I 'm the very latest craze ; 
My clothes are the latest from Doll-land, 

My style, it always stays ; 
I want to go to some one's house 

And stay there all my days; 
Some one who appreciates my style, 
And likes my winning ways. 

Rosalind. Who has a home for this fashion-plate? 
Voice in Audience. I have. 

Rosalind. Who has a home for a Rag Doll ? ( Winds 
her up — doll acts very limp and ragged) 

Rag Doll. 
I 'm only made of painted cloth, and may be stuffed with 

cotton, 
My nose is wrinkled, and each eye is just a small black 

button ; 
My hair is made of nice black stuff, what's left me now is 

just a tuft. 
I'd gladly live with poor folks now, yet babies love me 

much somehow ; 
And though they fling me round too much, I do not break 
the things I touch. 

Voice in Audience. I'll take her. 

Rosalind (winds up other Rag Doll). Who has a 
home for this Rag Doll ? 

Rag Doll. 
I 'm just a limpsy rag doll, I like to lay around — 
It seems they're always losing me, and they're glad when 

I am found. 
I'm not at all like other dolls, I twist, and fall and 

bend — 
But nothing seems to happen, I guess my life can't end! 



12 Something For Nothing 

Voice in Audience. I have. 

Rosalind. Now where is my Paper Doll? {Winds 
her up) 

Paper Doll. 
I need a home, but not too large, I'd like a smaller place, 
Because, you see, a paper doll takes very little space. 

(Paper Doll is claimed and the Rubber Doll jumps 
forward) 

Rubber Doll (recites). 
I stand a lot of fussing with, and never muss or break — 
When I'm squeezed, I whistle. {Whistles) 
Choose me and make no mistake ! 

Voice in Audience (claims Rubber Doll). 

Rosalind. I'm tired, Sambo, you help me. Find a 
home for the Cook. (Rosalind rests) 

Sambo (winds up Cook Doll). No trouble dere, 
Missy. 

Cook Doll. 
I 'm such a little tiny boy, I might be taken for a toy, 
But the dishes I concoct, sir, would make you watch the 

clock, sir ; 
And when they all sit down to dinner, I serve with joy 
each hungry sinner. 

Sambo. Dat sure do make me hab a empty feelin'. 
Who wants dis cook, anyhow? (Cook Doll is claimed) 
Anybody need a Maid ? ( Winds up Maid) 

Maid. 
The cap and tiny apron are badges, as you see, 
They mean that I will serve you with a cake and cup of 

tea. 
I'll keep your rooms so tidy, I'll answer your door-bell, 
I '11 keep your family secrets, not one of them I '11 tell. 
I 'm just a little parlor-maid, with cap and apron white, 
And I '11 stay with you and serve you, if you pay me what 

is right. 

Sambo. Who needs a competent maid ? 



Something For Nothing 13 

Voice in Audience. I do. 

Sambo (winds up Nanette and Rin Tin Tin, who go 
forward, hand-in-hand all through their recitations). 
Whoeber wants these two ? 

Ein Tin Tin. 
I'm Rin Tin Tin — no English talk — come from far 

away — 
Nanette— she always talk— she work — I just play. 

Nanette. 
Rin Tin Tin and me, we mean "Good Lick," the soldiers 

love us much, 
They hold us tight, and kiss us both, no other life is such. 

Voice in Audience. I '11 take them. 

Sambo. It will be easy to find a home for dis singin' 
doll. She is our ' * Alma G-luck. ' ' 

Singing Doll (sings "Annie Laurie" or any other 
song desired) 

Sambo. Who wants dis sweet dolly? 

Voice in Audience. I do. 

Sambo. Now, a soldier. Ah used to be a soldier — got 
dishonestly discharged 'cause Ah played craps. 

Soldier Doll. 

You'd be surprised if you should know 
I dread to stand here speaking so ; 
I see so many people's eyes — 
My heart, it seems to rise and rise — 
I'm a soldier — brave and strong — 
But I'm glad this piece isn't very long. 

Sambo (points). You want him? (Soldier is 
claimed) . Now dat Sailor Doll. Neber do Ah separate 
de Army and de Navy. 

Sailor Doll. 
I 've always been- a sailor and I Ve traveled far and near, 
" I 've sweethearts in most every port — but a sailor 's poor, 

I fear — 
So I'm going to get another job, where money's flying in; 
I'm going to be a tailor, so a sweetheart I can win. 



14 Something For Nothing 

Of course — a hundred per — is not much in times like 

these 
But — we'll live like King and Queen, if an apartment I 

can seize. 
(Same party who took the Soldier Doll claims the 
Sailor Doll) 

Sambo. I wonder who will hab room for dis pair ob 
twins? (Winds Molly and Polly) 

Twins (together). . 

Our names are Molly and Polly 

We try to keep folks jolly, 

We're so alike it makes Mother sad, 

When she finds us together, in deeds good and bad. 

When she wants to reward or to blame, 
We look so exactly the same, 
That she has to give whippings and kisses 
To each of us two little misses. 

Molly ( alone) . ' ' It 's a handy thing to be a twin, ' ' so 
says our little brother. 

Polly (alone). When we want to see just how we 
look, we look at one another. (Turn and look at each 
other while saying lasl line) 

Rosalind. Any home offered for the Twins? 

Voice in Audience. Of course there is. 

Dorothy. That will do, Sambo, thank you. (Sambo 
goes back to Dinah) Do you know, I'm quite relieved 
that our dolls are finding homes so quickly, but I have a 
homesick feeling for them in my heart. 

Eosalind. Oh ! that will wear off ! 

Dorothy. We must find a home for my Clown. 
( Winds up Clown, who tumbles about and then is finally 
straightened and recites) 

Clown Doll. 
Who doesn 't know me ? I 'm a circus clown, 
I've traveled 'round from town to town, 



Something For Nothing 15 

I have lots of new tricks, I 've learned to fly, 

I can climb a rope from here to the sky ; 

On a high trapeze, you'll think it's queer, 

But I float through the air and hang by my ear. 

The more foolish I act, the more money I earn, 

I run 'round the track at every turn. 

You must all come and see me, you'll like me, I'm 

sure, 
For worries and troubles I 'm always a cure. 
(Is claimed and performs as he leaves stage) 

Dorothy (winds up Indian Boy Doll and Indian 
Girl Doll) . Who 11 take my Indian Dolls % 

Indian Boy Doll. 

When I shoot a tiny spell 

With my little bow and arrow, 

It's a crime of first degree 

Nobody is kind to me, 

So I 'm going way out West 

Where I can yell — like all possessed — 

And live among the Cherokees, 

Where I can do just as I please (Shouts) 

I '11 be a Cherokee Indian — See ! 

Indian Girl Doll. 

To the Pawnees — me — 

Heap good squaw — see! 

My worst enemy — the Sioux — 

My friend — the Pale Face — you! 

Pale Face forgot me long ago — 

Drove me hither — to and fro. 

Voice in Audience. I '11 take the Indian dolls. 

Dorothy. Next come my Grandpa and Grandma 
Dolls. (Winds them up. Grandpa limps) 

Grandpa. 
I 'm an old-fashioned Grandpa, the kind that used to be, 
I love to have the boys and girls come sit upon my knee ; 



16 Something For Nothing 

And sometimes, when I'm feeling very gay and spry 

for me, 
I like to dance with Grandma, as yon will shortly see. 

Grandma. 
I'm an old-fashioned Grandma, as you can plainly see, 
I'm here and there and everywhere, as busy as can be; 
I'm very old-fashioned for these days, no paint or powder 

puff, 
But I take a lot of comfort with my little pinch of snuff. 

(Uses snuff and sneezes. Music plays as Grandma 
and Grandpa dance a simple Colonial Dance) 

Dorothy. "Who will take them both? They must not 
be separated. 

Voice in Audience. I will. 

Dorothy. I'll give Grandpa's Pet next. (Winds 
him up) 

Grandpa's Pet. 
I'm going to see my grandad, I won't come back no more, 
They say I'm very noisy, an' I always slam the door, 
They say I don't do nothin' right, the scoldin's never 

done, 
I want to do the things I like, I want to have some fun. 
Grandad takes me fishing, we go for most a mile. 
Grandad is a splendid pal, he's " in it" all the while. 
He lets me talk as much as I like, I entertain him so, 
I'm going to live with Grandad, or I'll raise a fuss, you 

know. 
(Man in audience claims Grandpa's Pet) 

Dorothy. Now. we '11 see who wants my Spoiled Pet 
Girl Doll. (Winds Tier up) 
Spoiled Pet Girl Doll. 
I wanted to dress up to-night, so Mother said, of course 

I might, 
I'm going to a party too, with my Uncle Jack, 
Of course you've seen the front of me, but my sash is in 
the back! (Turns slowly around to show sash) 



Something For Nothing 17 

Voice in Audience. I'll take her. 
Dorothy. Now I must find a home for my Kewpie 
Doll. 

Kewpie Doll. 
I'm really just a kewpie-doll, but I'm all dressed up 

to-night, 
I shivered and shook most all my life — that sash-fashion 's 

not right ; 
It seemed so good at last to find an owner who was really 

kind, 
So please don't send me far away, I'm going back in my 

box to stay. 
(Walks stiffly back to box and goes in it) 

Dorothy. Poor little thing, surely Mother won't 

mind if I just keep one. 
Rosalind. Oh ! Dorothy, let me give away my Teddy , 

Bear now, I see some one who wants him. {Winds 

Teddy) 
Teddy Bear Doll. 

Most bears are very nice, but then — they're foolish just 
the same, 

They sleep for months and then they wake, and play a 
"shadow game" 

If they see their shadow clear — they run right back and 
hide; 

They don't know much, these common bears, my knowl- 
edge is quite wide, 

So back to the jungle I must go, and teach them what I 
know. 

(Zs claimed, and ambles off stage) 

Rosalind. Now let's see what my cowboy can do. 

Cowboy Doll. 

I 'm spunky, 'cause I 've got to be — 

I 've been strung up to many a tree — 

The story I told — let me down — just before — 

I'd tell it to you, but they don't believe it more J 



18 Something For Nothing 

I ride my horse both night and day, 
I 'm wild — cowboys are all that way ; 
Who will help me to settle down, 
Won't some one — perhaps — the clown? 
(Is claimed by the Clown) 

Rosalind. Here is Tom Thumb and his wife. ( Winds 
them up; they hold hands and walk in as grandly as 
possible) 

Mrs. Tom Thumb. 

Your grandma saw us years ago 
When we, with Barnum, used to go. 

Mr. Tom Thumb. 

I would like you all to know 
I met my wife in Barnum 's show. 
For years we stood there, side by side, 
And then she became my little bride. 

Eosalind. Who will give them a home ? 

Voice in Audience. I will. 

Rosalind. Now my Japanese Doll. (Japanese Doll 
sings Japanese song and is claimed) Now, Sambo, come 
away from Dinah and help us. (Sambo is talking to 
Dinah and does not hear) Sambo! (Calls louder) 
Sambo ! 

Sambo. Yessum, Miss Rosalind. (Quickly takes 
flower from buttonhole and gives it to Dinah, whisper- 
ing to her. Dinah nods her head, goes off stage and sits 
in audience. To Rosalind) Yessum, here Ah is! 
(Waves and throws kiss to Dinah in audience) 

Rosalind. Find a home for my Boy Doll. (Winds 
him up) 

Boy Doll. 
My mother — I 'm awful fond of her — 
But somehow she won't let a fellow stir; 
I can 't go skating — I might fall in — 
An' to go to the movies — it's a terrible sin ! 
I can 't go swimmin ' in the river — Oh, no ! 
A man was drowned in that river, a hundred years ago ! 



Something For Nothing 19 

Oh! No! I won't swim in the river, but hush — who 

said the lake — 
Honest, mother — I just slipped in, please don't scold — 

it's all a mistake. 

Sambo. Dat sounds like a ribber in Kentucky ! Who 
takes dis chile ? 
Voice in Audience. I do. 

Sambo. Here is Miss Rosalind's poor Broken Doll. 
She sure do need a home ! 

Broken Doll. 
My poor head has been broken a dozen times or more, 
My arm was injured badly when they threw me on the 

floor; 
So I plead with you this evening, kind folks both large 

and small, 
Don't send me to a home again, just send in an ambu- 
lance call. 

Sambo. Don't worry — she'll be all right soon. She 
don 't know it, but she sure do need a home again. Who 
wants dis broke-up chile, anyhow ? 

Voice in Audience. I do. 

Sambo. Sadness all ober — other one all done up, an' 
here dis nurse. 

Nurse Doll. 
I 'm in an awful hurry for I'm taking up a case, 
It needs both care and wisdom and 'tis called a real hard 

place ; 
I never know where I 'm going next till they send me on 

my way, 
I just do everything I 'm told and work from day to day. 

Sambo. Nurse, you jus' go straight to dat poor 
done-up chile — sure now! (Nurse goes to Broken 
Doll. Sambo goes over to the Aristocratic "Doll,, who 
uses her lorgnette now and then) 

Dorothy. The Dutch Dolls will be glad of a home. 
(Winds Gretchen and Hilda) 



20 Something For Nothing 

Gretchen. 
From far away across the sea, I come with ship so fine, 
From land where water always is, and windmills, storks 

and steins ; 
At first I cry for Holland go, the hills make me so 'f raid, 
But now I love this Marika, so full of boys and maids ; 
No wars come here, no troubles much, no waters overflow, 
But plenty kindness everywhere, and all love 1 Gretchen so. 
(Waits for Hilda to recite) 

Hilda. 

Mein sister Gretchen you have seen, 
She is some fat, I am some lean, 
I have Hilda for mein name, 
And for stunts, I am some game; 
For you, these wooden shoes to wear, 
Would give you very much of care ; 
But just watch me, while I spin so much, 
Don't you think to manage these it takes the 
Dutch? 
(Holding hands, Hilda and Gretchen dance in wooden 
shoes, after which they are claimed) 

Sambo (has been staring at Aristocratic Doll for 
some time) . 'Scuse me, Miss, you lookin' f er something? 
(Winds) 

Aristocratic Doll (gazes through lorgnette, very 
proud and haughty) 
I'm an expensive, unusual, character doll, and I'm used 

to luxury, 
When I pass down the street, they say, Ah, there goes 

Marie! 
Now, if I were quite vain and proud, I'd say I'm much 

admired, 
But, I 'm not vain or proud — and so — I 'm much desired — 
You see, I have been frank with you — I 'm used to luxury, 
Please think it over carefully — have you a home for me? 
(Points to some one in audience, who takes her) 



Something For Nothing 21 

Sambo. She don go gib herself a home! {Waves to 
Dinah) 

Rosalind. Not many dolls left. Come, Father Doll. 
(Winds) 

Father Doll. 
When the hall clock says it's nearly six, my children 

watch for me, 
They lean out of the windows, their dear old Dad to see ; 
They hear my car come rushing home, and then they 

fairly shout, 
And when I open wide the door, they madly rush about, 
I kiss them each and all of them, and am so very proud, 
To be the happy Father of such a jolly little crowd. 

Dorothy. Who offers a home? 

Voice in Audience. I do. 

Rosalind. My Mother Doll can sing. (Winds) 

Mother Doll (sings). " Sweet and Low" (or any 
other song desired, after which she is claimed) 

Sambo. Who wants de las' one — mah Baby Walking: 
Doll? (Winds her) 

Baby Walking Doll (carries baby's bottle partly 
filled with milk — wears cap and long white dress, talks 
and walks like a baby would) 

I 'm only a baby walking doll, that cost ten ninety-eight, 
I sat in the store and wondered just what would be my 

fate; 
I almost had a black girl for my mother, yes I did, 
But when the salesgirl turned her head I walked awa> 

and hid ; 
\^ho wants me now ? I 'm sure you '11 like my disposition ! 
Just keep this filled and I don't care about old pro- 
hibition ! 
(She is claimed. Rosalind, Dorothy and Sambo come 
forward and bow) 

Rosalind. We hope you will have as much pleasure 
with our Dolls in the future as we have had in the past ; 
and we thank you for your kind attention this » 



22 Something For Nothing 

(A loud knock is heard on one of the boxes. Sambo is 
so scared he runs and hides. Loud knock repeated — 
Eosalind and Dorothy stand at side as out of the box 
jumps the Aged Doll) 

Aged Doll (rushes out breathless). Wait a minute, 
(With hand raised) I'm here! (Breathes heavily. Re- 
cites) 

I'm a doll from fifty years ago! 

But my memory's very good — 

I was lost, they say, ten years or so, 

But I simply stood and stood. (Hand to heart) 

I learned a lot in the time I stood, 

In the dark by the attic door, 

I'm "1920" in many ways, 

'Cause there was a hole in the attic floor ! 

Note. — The orchestra, or a violinist accompanied by 
the piano, may play the chorus of "Silver Threads 
Among the Gold, ' ' after which the Aged Doll says, ' ' I 
heard that forty years ago." "My Bonnie Lies Over 
the Ocean" may be played, Aged Doll remarking that 
she heard it thirty years ago. "Sweet Rosie 'Grady" 
or "Honey, Stay in Your Own Back Yard" may be 
played, Aged Doll remarking she heard it twenty years 
ago. "Every Little Movement Has a Meaning of its 
Own" or "School Days" may be played, Aged Doll re- 
marking she heard it ten years ago. Any "Jazz" music 
may be played for the present time. The songs men- 
tioned are merely suggestions and any songs desired may 
be substituted. 

(Rosalind, Dorothy, Sambo and the Aged Doll all take 
hands and bow) 



CURTAIN 



FARCES 



TANGLES 

Farce in One Act. Four Males, Two Females 
By C. Leona Dalrymple 
Oae Interior scene. Bill Tracy accepts Mrs. Janeway's invitation to 
Binner, intended for his cousin, Phil. Tracy, who is Jack Janeway's 
ehum. Elsie, her maid, advertised for a husband under the soubriquet 
Of " Bright Eyes." Jenkins, Bill's valet, answers it as X. Y. Z. Tbe 
mistakes in identity get them into a tangle of surprises, finally un- 
raveled by Jack, who arrives opportunely. The " situations " are 
tremendously funny and keep the audience in roars of laughter. 
Plays forty-five minutes. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

~~ A NIGHT IN TAPPAN 

Farce in One Act. Two Males, Three Females 
By O. B. Dubois 
One interior scene. The action commences at 10 : 45 P. M., on thy 
arrival of Mr. and Mrs. John Betts, quite unexpectedly, 'at the homfe 
of Mr. Augustus Betts, while Mrs. Augustus Betts is awaiting her 
husband's return from the city. The complications caused by a saucy, 
blundering, Irish servant, Mr. Augustus being entirely ignorant of 
the new arrivals, are screamingly bewildering. Plays about thirty 
minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

KISSING THE WRONG GIBL 

Farce in One Act. One Male, Two Females 
By W. C. Pakker 
No scenery needed. It is the case of a " cheeky " book-agent, two 
sisters who look much alike, all sorts of funny mistakes, and any 
number of ridiculous situations, that will keep the audience in a con- 
tinuous roar of laughter. The piece can be played either " straight " 
or with specialties. Plays about thirty minutes. 
PRICE 15 CENTS 

THE NEW REPORTER 

Farce in One Act. Six Males, Two Females 
By Franklin Johnston 
One interior scene. Hobbs, the proprietor of a newspaper, ia 
expecting a new reporter, whom he has engaged on trial. Nancy, 
Hobbs* daughter, persuades her lover, Jack, who is unknown to her 
father, to personify the new reporter, and gets to work. The blunders 
he makes, and the arrival of Tupper, the real reporter, result in a 
general flare-up, until explanations are made, and Tupper is per- 
suaded by Nancy to retire in favor of Jack. Plays forty-five minutes. 
PRICE 15 CENTS 

MA'S NEW BOARDERS 

Farce in One Act. Four Males, Four Females 

By W. C. Parker i 

No scenery required. Mrs. Holdtight leaves her boarding-house ia 
tier daughter's charge. Prof. Alto-Gether calls a rehearsal of thf 
village choir, but gives them the wrong address. The choir turns u» 
at Mrs. H.'s, and are mistaken for new boarders. Then follows a 
uproarious series of incidents that end in the Professor's round-ufc 
Can b« played "straight" or with specialties. Excellent chance t«f 
single or double quartette. Plays thirty minutes. 
PRICE. 25 C-ENTS 



PLAYS FOR CHILDREN 



A CHRISTMAS MEDLEY 

New and original entertainment by Willis N. Bugbee, arranged for 
fifteen boys and fourteen girls. Eleven nationalities are each repre- 
sented by a boy and girl in appropriate costumes. The songs 
throughout are arranged to suit a well-known melody. It is a 
pretty entertainment, full of unflagging interest, and can be used 
as a medium for the distribution of Christmas gifts for church or 
school. Plays about half an hour. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

THE FAIRIES' TRIBUNAL 

Mns'cal play for children, by S. B. Alexander. Nine principal 
characters, with chorus of any number that may be convenient. A 
bright little operetta with pretty motion-songs, dances and marches, 
a drill and some good tableaux. The trial of Robbie Burton at the 
court of the Fairies for reading dime novels is diverting and carries 
a moral without any goody-goodiness. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

A FESTIVAL OF FLOWERS 

Musical entertainment for children — thirteen boys and thirteen 
girls. The cast may be curtailed, if desirec, by omitting some of the 
flowers. Each character respresenting a flower, has certain lines 
of recitative with appropriate " business." There are several pretty 
songs and simple dances (a minuet can be introduced), and the spec- 
tacle concludes with " The Flower Festival March," and a tableau 
representing an enormous bouquet. Plays about half an hour. 
PRICE 15 CENTS 

THE GYPSIES' FESTIVAL 

Musical entertainment for young people. Introduces the Gypsy 
Queen, Fortune Teller, Yankee Peddler, and a chorus of gypsies of 
any desired number. The scene is supposed to be a Gypsy camp. 
The costumes are very pretty, but simple ; the dialogue bright ; the 
music easy and tuneful ; and the drill movements and calisthenics are 
graceful and appropriate. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

KING WINTER'S CARNIVAL 

Musical play for children, by S. B. Alexander. Especially suitable 
for church and sclaool entertainments. It may be presented very 
simply or quite elaborately, and will well repay any degree of effort 
that may be bestowed upon its preparation. There are ten speaking 
parts, with choruses of Fairies, Ice-sprites and Flowers, in which 
any desired number of young folks can participate. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

WHILE MORTALS SLEEP 

An original fairy operetta in two acts and one scene, by Rosamond 
Taylor, the music composed by Carolyn Taylor. Fourteen boys, 
twenty girls, or as many more as circumstances permit. The scene 
in both acts is in the woods, where the fairies gather at twilight. 
It includes a drill waltz with graceful figures and poses arranged 
for four, six. or eight girls, and ten appropriate and catchy songs with 
music and accompaniment complete, and introduces in an original 
way some of Mother Goose's characters, Santa Claus, etc., as in- 
vited guests. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 



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PLAYS WE RECOMMEND 

Fifteen Cents Each (Postage, 1 Cent Extra) 

Unless Otherwise Mentioned 



Arabian Nights 
Bundle of Matches (27c.) 
Crawford's Claim (27c.) 
Her Ladyship's Niece (27c.) 
Just for Fun (27c.) 

Men, Maids, Matchmakers 
Our Boys 
Puzzled Detective 
Three Hats 
Timothy Delano's 

Courtship 
Up-to-Date Anne 
White Shawl 
Fleeing: Flyer 
From Punkin' Ridge 
Handy Solomon 
Hoosier School 
Kiss in the Dsrk 
Larry 
Love Birds' Matrimonial 

Agency 
Married Lovers 
Ma's New Boarders (27c.) 
Mrs. Forester's Crusade 
New Pastor 
Relations 

Standing; Room Only 
Stormy Night 
Surprises (27c.) 

Tangles (27c.) 

Little Rogue Next Door 
'Till Three P. M. 
Train to Mauro 
When Women Rule 
Won by a Kodak 
April Fools 
Fun in a Schoolroom 
Little Red Mare 
Manager's Trials 
Medica 

Mischievous Bob 
Cheerful Companion 
Dolly's Double 
Drifted Apart 
Gentle Touch 
John's Emmy 
Point of View 
Professor's Truant Glove 
Belles of Blackville 
Sweet Family (27c.) 

Conspirators (27c.) 

A Day and a Night (27c.) 
Gertrude Mason, M.D. (27c.) 
In Other People's Shoes 
Maidens All Forlorn (27c.) 
Mary Ann 

Romance of Phyllis (27c.) 
Fuss vs. Feathers 
Tanglefoot vs. Peruna 
Great Libel Case 



Farce 
Comedy 
Drama 
Comedy 



Acts Males Females Time 



(27c.) 



(27c.) Farce 



Drama 
Farce 



Comedy 
Farce 

Sketch 
Farce 
Comedy 



Comedy 
Farce 



Comedy 
Dialogue 



Minstrel 

Entertainment 

Comedy 

Farce 
Comedy 



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PLAYS WE RECOMMEND 

For Schools and Colleges 

Twenty-five cents (Postage 2 cents extra) 

Acts Males Females Time 

Irish Eden 

Kidnapped Freshman 

Matrimonial Tiff 

Little Savage 

Lpdgers Taken In 

Miss Mosher of Colorado 

Miss Neptune 

My Uncle from India 

Never Again 

New England Folks 

Nest Boor 

Oak Farm 

Biddies 

Rosebrook Farm 

Stubborn Motor Car 

Too Many Husbands 

When a Man*s Single 

Where the Lane Turned 

After the Honeymoon 

Biscuits and Bills 

Chance at Midnight 

Conquest of Helen 

The Coward 

Sheriff of Tuckahoe 

Bashful Mr. Bobbs 

Whose Widow 

Alice's Blighted Profes- 
sion 

Regular Girls 

100% American 

Parlor Patriots 

Fads and Fancies 

Mr. Loring's Aunts 

My Son Arthur 

Sewing Circle 

Every Senior 

Bride and Groom 

Last Chance 

Bubbles 

Hurricane Wooing 

Peggy's Predicament 

Found in a Closet 
I Slacker ( ?) for the Cause 

Baby Scott 

Billy's Bungalow 

College Chums 

Delegates from Denver 

Football Romance 

Held for Postage 

In the Absence of Susan 

Transaction in Stocks 

Aunt Dinah's Quilting 
Party 

Bachelor Maids* Reunion 

In the Ferry House 
t Rustic Minstrel Show 
1 Ye Village Skew! of Long 
Ago 

Rainbow Kimona 

Rosemary 

Pharaoh's Snob 



Comedy 


3 


8 


6 


2h 


Farce 


3 


12 


4 


IF 


Farce 


1 


2 


1 


Comedy 


3 


4 


4 


2h 


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3 


6 


4 


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3 


7 


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3 


8 


4 


2.%h 


Comedy 


3 


5 


4 


2h 


Comedy 


3 


7 


4 


2%h 




3 


3 


8 


it 




3 

3 


6 
7 


9 

4 


Farce 


2 


8 


4 


2h 


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3 


4 


4 


2h 


" 




7 


5 


2h 


Farce 




2 


3 


50m 


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3 


1 


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Drama 




2 


1 


25m 


Comedy 




3 


2 


lh 


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5 


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80m 


Western Sk. 




3 


1 


lh 


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4 


7 


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5 


4 


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8 


50m 


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15 


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12 


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17 


lh 


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2 


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Entertainment 







10 


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8 


40m 


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3 


5 


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3 


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1 


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